moment of clarity

warning: this contains truth and fiction. the lines are meant to be extremely blurred.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

28 thus far

here are some things i would like to bring with me and not forget...
even when my body gets old..
and my soul tired.

1. i was born to responsible parents. papa gave up australia for family. mama left cebu for the same reason.

2. the first song i sang at 2 years old was "it might be you".

3. we moved to laguna when i was 3. i loved the gasera illuminated nights. i was taken care of by my cousins while my parents were at the office.

4. when i was in nursery, i asked my cousin what the english word for "inaaway" is (as we were not allowed to speak in filipino). i told the teacher, "teacher, my classmate is quarreling me". that was the start of my fascination with the language.

5. when i was in kinder 1, i was promoted to prep. i still remember the speech i delivered during pre-school gradutaion. that was the first time i ever used the word camaraderie.

6.i had swimming, ballet, piano, and voice lessons during the first half of my elementary years. i must really be a slow learner or simply ningas cogon. there was a failure to fan the flames, obviously.=)

7. i was an EDSA enthusiast early on. for a social science project i compiled clippings on and photos of corazon aquino.

8. i've always been an evening person. i remember finding it difficult to rise early and watching political satires and comedy shows until late night.

9. i learned owning up and being responsible for consequences of one's actions early. there was an incident when a classmate was injured when we went out of the school premises during recess. her guardian scolded me. i was surprised but i just shut up and wised up after that.

10. one of my favorite teachers ever is my adviser in fourth grade, mrs. lorenzo. looking back, it's because she always treated her students with respect while remaining firm and competent. i still place high value on these attributes to this day.

11. i discovered i was good at writing during the latter part of elementary. i enjoyed editing myself and breezed through composition writing and 'malikhaing pagsulat'. it was also at this time that i discovered i was a weakling in mathematics. haha, these facts would later on determine a lot of things in my college and adult life...

12. i also had my first real crush during this period. i had all these wonderful guy friends whom i did not regard with even the slightest malice and i ended up crushing on some boy, simply because he had cat eyes.

13. i entered into adolescence one saturday during my first year in high school. i was on my way to paco park for a group practice. i was clueless but fortunate enough to have worn red shorts. i went home to las pinas and researched on the matter-at-hand. paco park would later turn out to be very significant and memorable for a lot of other reasons.

14. i started to volunteer for the schoolpaper and stayed on despite our temperamental instructor. besides, i preferred to be enslaved and to spend long hours to have my words see print than to sew hawaiian polo shirts i'd never wear or even have anyone else wear. i would still be writing for the schoolpaper 11 years later, though i'd be grappling with a little more than temperaments and ideologies...

15. in the same year i found myself joining CAT just because i was bored to death while waiting for our school service to leave (at 7pm when my dismissal was at 5pm). i somehow forced myself to stick with the program and ended up becoming personnel and adjutant officer. i didn't believe it myself, i've always considered myself physically weak. i guess scoliosis and osteopenia paled in comparison to my will to kill boredom. i earned discipline, good friends, and a lot of mockery from my barkada...i'd do it again. yes, even the duckwalking in the rain.

16. for college, i applied for admission at up, ateneo, and la salle. i got accepted in all three schools. i was inclined to enrol at the ateneo. i had a full scholarship, after all. then my mother encouraged me to go to up instead. i okayed, thank god. i admire ateneo (and ateneans) and all but i am just really iskolar-ng-bayan material, nothing but.

17. i tried to become an engineering student (as my friends were all taking up engineering courses) and miserably failed. hehe. =) buti na lang, i had enough foresight to know it wasn't for me. so, i either dropped the eng'g courses or didn't take them altogether. thus, i learned curriculum planning as early as my first sem in diliman. thank god i made those timely decisions. otherwise, i would have spent 8 years for my undergrad..a sad and hopeless endeavor.

18. i transferred to social sciences and philosophy and took political science. again, another wise and fortunate choice for me. this was the start of "treading the right path" for me, if there is such a thing. um, at about the same time i got into my first "serious' non-platonic relationship. taught me a lot.

19. by the time i was about to graduate, i learned about infidelity and vengeance. let's just say i welcomed myself to the dark side. =! not without lesson and purpose. (this was also the period when i met my first vehicular accident. fractured left clavicle, first-hand experience with selective amnesia. this experience, ironically, educated me on composure and faith.)

20. at 20, i graduated from college and completed my first degree. i had some regrets because i could have earned some latin honors for my parents but failed be exact about it,i stupidly did not even go for it. i'm just not an ambitious person. i have always had high hopes for society this time i was introduced to dormitory life and got to meet my most mysterious relationship partner. pampelikula.

21. i applied for and was admitted to up law school. damn lucky...or probably just fated to serve. anyway, i would somehow manage to finish law school. these four and a half years of my adult life brought out the best in me and made me see why potential should be made kinetic. i also gained really good friends during these trying years.

23. in the interim, my batchmates from high school have all graduated or transferred or went on AWOL. we remained (and still are) tight-knit and made sure we'll have get-togethers for christmas, birthdays, and other triumphs (or heartbreaks). these high school friends would--later on- be sharing my life in many ways and in ways i never imagined possible. they are the people who know me best.

24. i applied for the university paper again and founnd myself working with my (college school paper) editor for the second time. i challenged myself to become deserving of the post given to me and i experienced one of my most harrowing moments during this time. i also had the chance to practice conviction and was able to test my tact and patience. one of my proudest and trying life phases...

23. just before the bar exam, i got really tired of everything and needed a break. i went to my cousins' place (as we always did during summers) and just spent time with them, without books or boys. i just allowed myself time to be and did not hold back. as always, our (extended) family gave me comfort and support. i was able to somehow reconnect with my cousins after (all of us)having been preoccupied with law (medicine for them) and love and life. i'm proud to say that we all did good though...i was also able to bond with the most OC person i know and help him find his passion, this artsy-temperamental brother of mine. he finally found his culinarian corner, i hope he would soon claim his niche in this world.

24. i took the bar exam in september of 2006. the results came out in on april 3, 2007. i came from my cousin's dental clinic (and quiapo church) and went to robinson's place. my mother and cousins went with me to the supreme court. not being able to stand the pressure, my mother wanted to go home ahead of us. we said okay. a few minutes after she left the sc premises, she went running back with a piece of paper in her hand.inarbor nya sa media yung advance copy. and there, under letter "D" was my name. she was teary-eyed. i was dumbfounded, lucky freak. i sat myself down and remained silent as my cousins rejoiced and the others-in-waiting looked on. 'lawyer na ako, shit," i whispered to myself.

25. i sent out application letters to a number of ngo's belonging to the alternative law groups which i just chanced upon in the internet. even before graduation i wanted to try developmental work. i got accepted in october, 2006 and i stayed on for almost three years. i was right about the kind of work i wanted to do. fulfillment,freedom, and service. that's what i was afforded. i was able to contribute to legislative and judicial victories for the marginalized and learned quite a number of realities about the system, the possibilities of change, and the instrument that i could be for such change.

26. i went on a retreat and found myself again. i had a run-through my life and was able to appreciate my family more. i was able to thank my stuck-with-you-but-i-don't-mind friends and made new ones. i forgave myself and saw that i have always been one for leaps of faith. i asked god to hold my hand again...and he never let me go.

27. in my second year as alternative lawyer, i met this nonchalant and seemingly self-assured guy. we came across each other every now and then and we became acquaintances. a year passed and he remained just that to me. a very trying case and a coalition-wide conspiracy after, we found ourselves "dating". some of my friends didn't like him at first, probably because they didn't know him. heck, i didn't know him much either. all i knew was that this guy called me to congratulate me for passing the bar and to greet me on my birthday...and then on one drinking session at a resto-bar, he got up during videoke time, greeted me a 'belated happy birthday'(a month after my birthday) and congratulated me for passing the bar, and then sang a song. he didn't talk to me after that night until a year hence. i was puzzled. and he would be puzzling me some more because he would become my boyfriend, co-counsel, and husband after we travel to and fro mindanao, march through luzon, and realize our (extended) families had been neighbors in visayas since we were children.

28. at 27, i bore our bouncing baby boy, kai perry. fortunately, we were both in manila for our campaigns and cases. lovingly, janjan took care of me and helped me breeze through nine months of anticipation and anxiety. life decided to change its landscape after that. i found myself deciding to de-stress and chosing dedicated motherhood for a while. as told to me by a friend who always brings her own sunshine, "gawin nating simple ang buhay". and so, i am ready to change scenery, take on another job which would still lead to "otro mondo es posible", and give myself and my family a whole lotta loving.

with that, i pause and take a rest. i am quite satisfied with this, quite happy with myself. god has obviously worked in my life and i sure hope he would continue guiding this old soul in going on further.#