unbroken

it's not fair. life ain't. but the thing is, it's not fair to everyone. that's where the fairness comes in. so, in the end, what really matters is how you deal. and when you do decide on something, you better make sure you decide accordingly...or at least, according to what your heart really wants at the moment.

it's not easy to know what's right for you. what's right is not necessarily what's easy. it would have been convenient if handbooks were handed out to us just when we officially become adults, when the things we do could potentially ruin or build lives, ours and of those who care for us as well. just imagine..."how not to screw up", "how to make your parents proud", "how to avoid psycho boyfriends", "how to make things right", "how to keep good friends", and "how to avoid regrettable mistakes". that would be terribly convenient, and conveniently devastating.

having to consult manuals to navigate life as an adult would probably make me more freaked out than i already am now. i guess i'm thankful that, as it is,i only have to compete with myself, to get better the next opportunity i get. besides, opportunities come in bundles when we really try to be aware. it would have really sucked had i been forced to gauge how i was doing based on the next guy's performance. screwing up just seems a lot better when i do it on my own terms, and not when i have to be careful not to be a bigger loser than everyone else.

that's just it. it doesn't matter if i lose every once in a while, long as i stay in the game. there's no knowing for sure what's ahead anyway. this life was not meant to be like basketball. just like rico of rivermaya said, "hindi lang naman iisa ang pwede maging champion, di ba?"

i don't have to be too strong for failure just to prevail. i can't screw it up too much such that it can't be fixed. people who care about me will be done proud when i take those unsure steps just to try. unstable boyfriends might try and wreak havoc in my rather sober life and i will cope just in time. unplanned events might distract me from relationships that matter most but i will not let the grasp get too loose. there will always be might-have-beens and shouldn't-haves but i will not let the learning escape me. things can't always be made right but i can always keep my heart still, knowing i did what i could. and that tomorrow i will work more on the woulds than the shoulds.

apologies to those who tried to put me down, it just ain't gonna happen. i am king of this life, even if i don't have a crown to show for it...even if i still struggle to make myself a litlle less broken each day. lately, a lot of life sucked big time yet i am still king. how fair is that?

*lovingly written for good friends and family who help keep me together. god bless you with strength.