didn't mean to

all i wanted was to be friends with you again. i swear, i didn't know it wasn't a done deal yet. i'm sorry but i can't force myself to want what you want. the world is cruel. it sucks to get hurt but it sucks just as well when you end up hurting a well-meaning person. so, much as i don't want to deal you this kind of pain, i would. because, as i've learned the hard way, it's the only way you could lead yourself to that next person...to that happiness which i couldn't give.

you're right. nine years is such a long time...to wait, to hope. but i was in the dark about everything. nine years is such a long time not to tell someone what you ought to. i guess it's useless to think about who's to blame. let's not make it anymore difficult than it already is.

some lives are meant to be lived apart from those you deem most important. it all ends here...i'm sorry.