moment of clarity

rain on me

2010-05-28T16:49:00.002+08:00

looks like it's going to rain.i feel a little tired. i want to get drenched with my eyes closed the whole time. i feel like walking aimlessly. somehow, i believe, that will make the road ahead clearer.

CROSS ME NOT

2010-05-22T21:30:00.003+08:00

i am usually patient and understanding, by nature's design i guess. or, maybe because i've seen through my years that when cooler heads prevail the outcome is usually better. but at this point in life-mine as an adult- i have finally realized why it also helps to just let go and get angry...especially when anger and no other emotion is called for. it actually feels liberating, to recgonize that i

walking about

2010-02-02T17:49:00.002+08:00

i walk out of palma hall and rush down the steps. i cross the wide street and find myself seated at the libe walk. i ask manang carmen if she has gudang garam red and she tells me "bawal na ngayon e." i look around and see immediately how drastically things have changed. the acad oval is a one way street now and joggers and bikers now own half of my favorite street in this whole wide world. that

28 thus far

2009-10-29T01:23:00.005+08:00

here are some things i would like to bring with me and not forget...even when my body gets old..and my soul tired.1. i was born to responsible parents. papa gave up australia for family. mama left cebu for the same reason.2. the first song i sang at 2 years old was "it might be you".3. we moved to laguna when i was 3. i loved the gasera illuminated nights. i was taken care of by my cousins while

bathing nostalgic

2009-08-28T13:37:00.005+08:00

there were dim lights and there was dancing and singing. i was happy. i had that chance to enjoy a blissful bath again. nothing fancy. just a house with no one else around, where i can walk around bare. just a cd player near the bathroom, with surround sound. just me and my thoughts...and the candles and the citrus soap. i felt good and relaxed. AND FREE. so free, in fact, that I was reminded of

unlimited edition

2008-04-11T00:48:00.003+08:00

in a few weeks time it would be a year since i've officially become a lawyer. that make me look back and ponder about a lot of things. after all, life has changed a lot. a whole lot. but, as of this hungry moment all i an think about is the gift i got from my parents on my oath taking. they bought me a new music phone which also happened to have a carl zeiss camera.a few months after i got the

On Sumilao

2007-12-10T09:15:00.000+08:00

This case is simple and ought to have been resolved a long time ago. The law is clear and the facts have been determined—and put into Memorandum- by none other than the DAR officials mandated to do so. Indeed, this is very much a case about due process and social justice as it is a case of application of the black letter of the law. And, on all counts, the law, its precepts, and rationale tilt

it has finally sunk in

2007-09-25T18:44:00.000+08:00

and now i can afford to have this moment. i'm just not sure about the clarity, whether or not it will come to me here. it's all been a blur, the past three months or so. through all the frazzled days, i've managed to stay sane and centered. floating but centered. i've allowed myself to be this buoy, unanchored yet knowing clearly where it's headed. after all, the oceans have always been kind

forbiddance

2007-09-20T02:25:00.000+08:00

on the eve of a farewelli let you hold my hand firmlydusk settles the day's worriesbut the moon sees my heart in shamblesgently it reveals stirring in the shadowsas i let go of my sanity and lose myselfthoughts shackled and orphaned feelingsi ask you a question with my eyesyou refuse to surrender and turn awaythe evening sounds are hushedthe moment bound and held at baypining for something that

the universe says

2007-07-17T01:56:00.000+08:00

"Things are well on their way toward gaining real momentum in one of your newest relationships -- because this is a mature partnership built on mutual respect and a shared sense of how to treat another person. Get ready for some new allegiances to be made, all of which will be challenging but rewarding. This is a person you can truly rely on -- a person you should rely on. You are starting to

2007-07-17T01:20:00.001+08:00

in need of allspark

2007-07-03T00:53:00.000+08:00

i had a nice time at the movies. i bit my fingers, haven't done that in a long time now. i felt like a kid, still do....giddy and thrilled to see the protagonists win over the evil destroyers of the human race. i was struck with awe by the generosity of the lead robot, mighty dignified and towering over the others...in form and more importantly in righteous selflessness. hehe. :) transformers did

uncertain times

2007-06-12T01:29:00.000+08:00

Sometimes there simply isn't any way of knowing. You just cannot be sure whether you made the right decision or not, or even whether or not you should have decided at all. Oh well, the only thing certain is that it's better to jump blind than to hang on to meaningless albeit safe certainty...sometimes.

becoming

2007-03-07T20:57:00.000+08:00

i like being me right now.i like it that i'm "gaining weight"(mwehehe!), even if everyone says the gaining should stop right about now.hehe. :) you see, i've been a skinny kid for uhm....twenty four years or so. now, i'm no longer skinny. i'm no longer a kid. you couldn't begin to imagine how refreshing that is for me.i must admit that the extra weight makes it harder for me to fit into my

drifting away

2007-02-03T12:08:00.000+08:00

i kissed my last bottle of beerwhile you played with my fingers.i run our farewell in my fuzzy memory bank,i cannot seem to touch you back.you rest your arm by my pelvis,you feel me cringe,hear me sigh.i look back at you;that gaze saddens your face.i think of the sea insteadand the mountain that sprawls on its belly.this makes me long for you morebut less of every thing is what we have,now that

as usual

2006-12-25T16:33:00.000+08:00

It's usual for you to not know what exactly to do. It's always easier to wait for that point where action is urgent,and making a decision is inevitable. But that stance just won't do this time. The fact that you have been violated, it can't be denied.You're a rather agreeable person,a good friend. People even tend to think you're a pushover. You always told me you just like giving people a chance

wishlist

2006-11-19T18:44:00.000+08:00

this day i realized...there is still a lot to learn and do. life indeed is short. i wish i could either lengthen it or make every day count...

walk

2006-11-12T23:55:00.000+08:00

sometimes i think to myself...maybe it's not about doing the right thing or being the right person. maybe it's not about that all the time. maybe, just maybe, it's good enough that you realize you did wrong or that you could do a lot better. maybe that would be good enough just for now. i used to get why excuses always were lame, no matter what the situation was. now, i just can't help but

"i want to ride my bicycle..."

2006-11-10T19:37:00.000+08:00

Poor FellowsWhat it takes on this planet,to make love to each other in peace.Everyone pries under your sheets,everyone interferes with your loving.They say terrible things about a man and a woman,who after much milling about,all sorts of compunctions,do something unique,they both lie with each other in one bed.I ask myself whether frogs are so furtive,or sneeze as they please.Whether they whisper

fleeting

2006-11-07T22:17:00.000+08:00

i got a really bad hangover...and i wanna hang myself. let me ramble and be cryptic. i have no right to rant and whine about my relationships because i've always had options. i can always try to deceive myself, to make believe that i'm a victim of circumstances...but i just ain't. all the relationships i had, i wanted to be there. i was always the one who made the choice to jump in. all the

old skin

2006-11-03T00:31:00.000+08:00

a lot of things being unclear, i take in whatever i can from my everyday. i take whatever life has to offer. not having a you to address i take pleasure in this sense of detachment. no mine to speak of, i pause and observe the world. and, after a few more clicks of the retractable pen, i realize i am at peace with the world again. even if i don't really like what i'm wearing now...even

tandayan

2006-10-31T01:48:00.000+08:00

when i was a kid,there was a period of time when every night, before i go to sleep, i would cry. i cried because i was scared of losing my parents. i cowered at the thought that one day i would have to live my life apart from them. i never figured out what triggered that. that phase is probably a normal part of childhood. i never had the chance to tell my parents about that fear. i

karma cameleon

2006-10-19T01:40:00.000+08:00

and now, karma smiles upon me again... things to be happy about: not so futile attempts at learning to play the guitar, (going to) subic with c sluts, (planning) punta fuego with twopa, 2+1 superdry at quattro with val,ritz,(&who else), Ed & Stuckeybowl, being officially a member of the workforce, (finally) having watched a movie after 2 moons(The Departed rocks!), buying a tiny (my very own)

couldn't

2006-10-15T17:54:00.000+08:00

okay, here's the deal. i am sorry. and i hate it that i cannot tell it to you personally...more sorry that i had to break it to you that way. you may think i was such an ass, that i used the bar as a convenient excuse...that i probably took for granted the friendship we had. there's no use trying to be the good guy. i just wanna say i know i hurt you and that you didn't deserve that....but i'd

Follow Through

2006-10-15T16:29:00.000+08:00

(G. DeGraw)Oh, this is the start of something goodDon't you agree?I, haven't felt like this in so many moonsYou know what I meanAnd we can build through this destructionAs we are standing on our feetSo, since you wanna be with meYou'll have to follow throughWith every word you sayAnd I, all I really want is youyou to stick aroundI'll see you everydayBut you have to follow throughYou have to

ember

2006-10-04T02:03:00.000+08:00

september finally ended and i woke up at the foot of mayon. well, almost...i had the privilege of staying some eight kilometers away from the majestic. ang ganda talaga, parang panaginip na parang painting. sa kabila ng kawalan ng kuryente at pananalanta ng bagyo hindi man lang nabawasan ang pagkamangha ko sa Bicol, at sa Mayon. salamat kay che at sa kanyang pamilya, andaming nakakaaliw at bibong

jaded as you are

2006-09-27T11:37:00.000+08:00

now there's time for this. there's time for thinking before acting, for thinking about what's been done and what cannot be undone. now there's time for things that are as important...though taken for granted. there's time for loving yourself a little more. this is the perfect time to muse and hark back. because this is the best example of the in-between phase. things have just ended and

looking, forward

2006-08-22T09:04:00.000+08:00

for sanity, fun and fulfillment, i wish i could: * wall climb, bike, and throw threes * go to the beach * watch the Kami nAPO muna concert * have the rain bathe me * read leisurely the little prince and cathcher in the rye * go to the mall and walk aimlessly * jog or walk around the academic oval * go to my favorite church, the one that looks like a spaceship * have him

*

2006-08-21T00:51:00.000+08:00

i've been hanging in here for quite a while, being the formidable person that i am supposed to be. i've been holding on and keeping my pace...lapping towards wholeness. everyday, i bear with it. everyday i push further and fight against lunacy...because i was told that that's the way to gratification. if only i could halt, drop everything and run away from this tired day...i'd go and stay by

tired beyond recognition

2006-08-15T03:18:00.000+08:00

in the history of my universe this, so far, has been the most tired i got. that rambling didn't sound as clearly as it should have. anyway, napakalapit na ng bar. i can almost taste the anxiety of the first sunday. unfortunately, my energy level took a nosedive 72 hours ago. the backpain got annoyingly persistent. the concentration got zapped by fatigue. the loneliness of weird sleep cycles

didn't mean to

2006-08-13T11:44:00.000+08:00

all i wanted was to be friends with you again. i swear, i didn't know it wasn't a done deal yet. i'm sorry but i can't force myself to want what you want. the world is cruel. it sucks to get hurt but it sucks just as well when you end up hurting a well-meaning person. so, much as i don't want to deal you this kind of pain, i would. because, as i've learned the hard way, it's the only way you

balagoong

2006-08-13T11:40:00.000+08:00

andami na nagsabi sakin, "baka gusto mong next year na lang magtake". hmm, kung pag-iisipan ko talaga nang matindi yan, may saysay naman yung ganung suhestyon. lalo na kung manggagaling sa mga taong nakakakilala talaga sa'yo at nakakaalam ng mga pinagdaanan mo. salamat rai at andrea sa lakas ng loob na kwestyunin ang kahibangan ko na maglakas ng loob. at ngayon, mas desidido na nga ako. dahil

unbroken

2006-08-13T11:39:00.000+08:00

it's not fair. life ain't. but the thing is, it's not fair to everyone. that's where the fairness comes in. so, in the end, what really matters is how you deal. and when you do decide on something, you better make sure you decide accordingly...or at least, according to what your heart really wants at the moment. it's not easy to know what's right for you. what's right is not necessarily

i gotta have

2006-08-13T11:38:00.000+08:00

around this time of the day i stop and drop whatever im reading because my brain stops functioning...because i fail to find relevance and purpose halfway through the reviewer i'm cramming into my brain. because my mind flies off into things more fulfilling and breathtaking. translation: i need to get inspired. and so, i write...or read anything that serves as testimony to the wonder that is life.

Ligaya

2006-08-11T03:15:00.000+08:00

Cutterpillow Album Launch, 1995Third year high school pa lang ako nu'ng ni-releaseang "Cutterpillow." Sa unang pagkakataon ay nakatungtong ako sa UPDiliman. Kabado akong pumayag na sumama sa mga kaklase pero atatakong sumakay sa bus na tayuan. Sa kahabaan ng Quezon Avenue pilitkong kinumbinsi ang sarili na tama ang desisyon ko, "may libre namangalbum kasama ang tiket e." Masaya naman e, bahala na

non-bankable fiduciary relationships

2006-05-04T22:21:00.000+08:00

I'm 25 and yet it's just now that I'm learning about banks and banking. You don't always get what you give. But it's too late when you realize that. You've already chosen where and how much to invest. You think you've covered all the bases. You think you've surveyed the choices and made the right choice for that relationship of trust--fiduciary as they say. In the long run, it's all about the

Im Feelin You (Branch, Santana)

2006-04-06T15:21:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I imagine a world without youBut most times I'm just so happy that I ever found youIt's a complicated webThat you weave inside my headso much pleasure with such painI hope we always always stay the sameI'm feeling the way you cross my mindAnd you save me in the knick of timeI'm riding the highs, I'm digging the lows'Cause at least I feel aliveI've never faced so many emotional daysBut

=(

2006-04-06T13:30:00.000+08:00

I am as needy as a child.

Something That Is Its Own Reward

2005-12-10T22:13:00.000+08:00

Lubhang nakalilito ang mga nakalipas na linggo. Dahil sa hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat unahin, ang mas may urgency, sumama na lang ako sa agos. Ilang linggo na rin akong bakasyon sa academics- walang pag-aalala sa recitation, attendance at masinsinang pag-aaral. Bakasyon na nakakapagod, mas nakakapagod pa nga. Nakakapagod palang maging bahagi ng university schoolpaper--nakakalito rin kung ano

Hoping I'm More Ed than Lloyd

2005-10-26T01:36:00.000+08:00

I must admit I am Lloyd, sometimes. Much as I would like to be Ed -responsible, confident, in control compared to his brother- I am not. I may have characteristics which are very Ed but my Lloyd traits unfortunately define me more than the Ed traits do. I amk kind of hoping reverse psychology would work for me. Hm, let me see... I'd definitely stick with StuckyBowl. I've never been the

Messianic

2005-07-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

Isa kang palalo na walang alam kung hindi magpa-pogi. Ayaw mo magseryoso kasi alam mong hungkag ang katauhan mo. Walang saysay ang subuking ipaintindi saýo ang konsepto ng responsibilidad. Ang tanging bagay na tumatawag sa atensyon mo ay yung mga kumikinang, maingay at kasing babaw ng pag-iisip mo. Pero, teka lang, hindi ka lang pala mababaw...makitid din. Sanay ka sa panandaliang tagumpay,

Embracing the Current

2005-07-12T23:08:00.000+08:00

Pressed against the sea of murkyemotions, Iresolve to finally getyou out of myocean and hopenot to take the baitof our mystery no longer.Because the story of ushas failed to sustainthe passion for togetherness.Groping in the dark watershas rendered fear lame and uncertaintyconstant, as we repeatedly swim away and towards oneness.Almost always but nevertouching the coreof the other's beingand the

Nagiba na nga ba?

2005-07-01T01:28:00.000+08:00

Akala mo siguro siya pa rin yung dati mong kilala. Sana nga pero marami nang nagbago. Halimbawa, hindi na blue ang paboritong kulay ni Tinx. Hindi na siya patpat. Masipag na siya maglakad ngayon, hindi na masyado mahilig magtaxi. Nagja-jog pa nga eh (seasonal nga lang).Sawa na siya sa napaka-volatile na politika ng Pilipinas. Marunong na siya magalit. Hindi na masyado mahilig sa tsokolate.

Hinubog ng Ulan

2005-06-18T21:38:00.000+08:00

Dahil sa dumalaw na naman ang tag-ulan,Naisip kita at ang mukha mo.Sa pagsalit ng kulog at kidlatPinangarap kong mahawakan ang kamay mo.Sa kabila ng lamig, dilim at takot,Napadama ang init, ibinahagi ang liwanagAt pinawi ang takot; Tinuligsa ang yabang Hanggang sa nagkaisa ang mga bisig.Sa kinang ng mga mata, nangusap.Natuklasan ang masalimuot na mga damdamin-Poot sa nakaraan at pasasalamat sa

Farewell to Waiting

2005-06-16T23:04:00.000+08:00

If I were to waitI would notBe happy withThe world you left To crumble and turnUpside down just likeThe sanity you used toHelp me keepIt started fadingAway as you wentIn search of yourselfand your destinyWhich sadly provedTo be in another placeAnd under the jealous guardOf someone who need notKnow, endure how it isTo pine, this long and inFutility, it has to endThe longing has to stop<

Ten's Little Pleasures

2005-06-04T18:21:00.000+08:00

Odd how it feels to be me at this point in time. Today my body makes me feel like a stranger. It feels as if I slept with a very frail, tiny body and woke up with a more frail yet bulkier frame. Not that it matters but the extra surface makes even standing up or sitting down become a task. Hair grew longer but the texture still reminds me of high school senior year when having it cut ought to

Taga-UP Ako

2005-05-12T22:55:00.000+08:00

Mahal ko ang UP. Mahal ko ang UP hindi lang dahil "premiere State U" daw ito. Mahal ko ang UP kase dito ko nakita na may potensyal pala ako...na maging mahusay, na unawain ang pangangailangan ng ibang tao, na magalaga ng pagkakaibigan, na umibig nang tapat at lubusan, na magkaroon ng silbi sa ginagalawan kong komunidad. Hindi ko pinagmamalaki na UP ako dahil matalino daw ang mga tao dito. Masaya

My Love Is King

2005-05-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

Di mo alam, seryoso akong gusto kita. Gusto kita, dati pa. Akala mo kasi gaguhan lang tuwing sinasabi ko, "di nga, crush kita". Sabagay, kahit ako siguro ikaw, di ako maniniwala. Kasi nga naman, sino ba namang matinong tao ang kayang magsabi sa taong gusto niya na ganun na nga. Sino nga ba? Ako. Ano bang problema dun?! Huwag ka magkamaling magisip na ganyan ako sa lahat ng tao, kasi hindi.

Wicked Bind

2005-04-17T00:44:00.000+08:00

I don’t think you will understand. I guess you don’t know me that well anymore. Don’t worry. You didn’t fall short on efforts to keep the friendship, to keep in touch. It doesn’t really matter…the fact that we haven’t talked for quite some time now. It’s not too difficult for me to understand why you think I have become a stranger to you. I actually feel estranged myself. I even think you can

(unfinished and untitled poem)

2005-04-03T13:27:00.000+08:00

on the eve of a farewelli let you hold my hand firmlydusk settles the day's worriesbut the moon sees my heart in shambles gently it reveals stirring in the shadowsas i let go of my sanity and lose myselfthoughts shackled and orphaned feelings i ask you a question with my eyesyou refuse to surrender and turn awaythe evening sounds are hushedthe moment bound and held at bay pining for something

Sa Lawton, Kanina

2005-03-20T01:24:00.000+08:00

...Alam n'yo bang piso na ang isang candy? Nagugulumihanan ako sa pangyayaring ito. Seryoso.

AYOKO YATA NITO

2005-03-17T19:46:00.000+08:00

Ayoko sa'yo kasi ang bango-bango mo kahit ilang oras ka nasa ilalim ng araw o nagbyahe. Ayoko sa'yo kasi ang ayos ng hati ng buhok mo, palagi. Ayoko sa'yo kasi laging makinang mata mo. Ang ganda pa ng ipin mo. At, ang crisp pa ng mga polo mo. Ano ka, manekin?! Kung hindi man, laging okey mga shirts mo...kahit simple man o loud. Nakakaasar ang makintab mong leather shoes at mga cool na sneakers.

Life Does Not Always Have To

2005-02-25T14:48:00.000+08:00

It doesn't always have to make sense. Sometimes you just have to accept what is dealt to you. Otherwise, you will go insane trying to reconcile how fate is bringing you hurtful, unnecessary things despite your good intentions. The sooner you realize that it is not fair, the sooner you may improve the odds to happiness. You do not always have to question the purpose of things. You wouldn't be

trying to make sense

2005-02-07T20:48:00.000+08:00

My facial wash smells like the iced tea I drank at lunch. That thought comforts me in a weird way. These days I get to appreciate a lot of small details. I'm guessing this is because I am swamped with many enormous tasks. I know it doesn't seem to make sense but under my circumstances, it does. Sunday is supposed to be my lazy (laziest) day. However, I cannot afford to have lazy days anymore.

PLEASE DON'T REPLY

2004-09-24T09:33:00.000+08:00

"Hi. I really wish I could have been there for you. Miss na kita. I still love you. Please don't reply." These were the words in your last mssage. These words made me think. Let me see...I am not supposed to reply. Very unlikely. Looking back, you've always been there for me, through everything. We used to see each other every time you got tired of your girlfriend and I felt taken for

Damn Lucky Garfield

2004-09-15T16:06:00.000+08:00

I force myself to read and understand Income Taxation as thunder warns me of the raging storm that's about to come. I cramp all the information I could into my tired brain as I ignore the fact that my whole being wants to do something else, any thing other than this. I could just imagine how the warmth of the coffee mug in my hand and thick socks on my feet would feel. Instead of being with

Kagulat Ka

2004-09-03T17:37:00.000+08:00

Nakakagulat pala talaga ang mga pagbabago na dala ng ilang taong di pagkikita. Matindi. Tipong, "Ikaw ba yan?". Ikaw nga ba talaga yun? Parang ibang tao kasi yung nakita ko at nakausap. Hindi naman sa hindi kapani-paniwala pero astig lang. Alam mo yun? Mahusay ang naging pagbabago mo. Mas matikas ka na ngayon, hindi na tipong matatangay ng hangin. Hindi ka naman naging 'macho' na nakakadiri.

Giving In

2004-08-26T14:17:00.000+08:00

Rain falls hard on the roof. I twist and turn, reaching for my pillow. I clutch hard on it as I try to overcome my drowsiness. I open my eyes and see the ceiling is still the same color. I look around the room and take comfort in its familiar mess. I stretch and yawn, waiting for my body to feel the urge to start moving. I turn on the radio and search for music that will perk me up. I